It's not going to be of any benefit to stop eating or not doing your studies. Why did you always take him back for 8 straight years if he never changed? It's gotten to a point where I have trouble functionning in my daily life! But when that person says they might be back it's leaving you hanging on waiting around and you don't feel like you're able to move on. You just don't want to commit." I really feel for you, but you have to make sure you look after yourself. Thank you so much for the sound advice night_orchid. Put on a funny movie or something like that. Keep up the gym too. I am a 48-year-old transgender man. *Remember, your relationship ended because you didn't listen or support her the way she needed you to. Press J to jump to the feed. Do I end my 9 year relationship or am I just crazy? For the first time, with any girl, i was ready to properly commit and make things work. He said he was conflicted and couldn’t leave her. In the meantime, it's driving me crazy to think of her with other people. We will all get through this, we don't know what the future holds so we shouldn't dwell on it, easier said than done, but enjoy what you have right now, we need to rediscover ourselves and do things that make us happy, be selfish, our ex's are . My ex is abusing me psychologicaly! Best of luck. My ex broke up with me and I would die from a call from him-not that I would take him back. Also, went to bed with my mother on my 18th birthday. Hi NIght Orchid and thanks for your words in this, they sound very experienced and make a lot of sense. Raising her voice, Aimee said "Now it's your career, before it was your mother's health, before that you weren't ready. Digg is the homepage of the internet, featuring the best articles, videos, and original content that the web is talking about right now. I know how tough it is, i totally empahize with you. As for the length of time you wait before you contact her - that depends on how long it takes her to contact you. You have to show her that if she rejected you, you lost no sleep over it and you couldn’t really care less. You're better than that. You accept the breakup That feeling haunted me through a life-threatening drug addiction, into a life of recovery, and sometimes still does. Ive lost the will to live simply because i poured my heart into something just to have it taken away from me. I stayed in bed doing nothing for a good 4-5 weeks and trust me it gets your absolutely no where. It's so hard when you love a person like you've never loved anyone else. But now she's having trouble letting go. 1.) It is definitely your responsibility for sure, but you aren't at fault for your trauma. I lost my girlfriend...I love her and I m going crazy. But I try to stay strong, even If I have my moments of weakness and still cry about it. If ever you feel really horrible and don't know what to do with yourself, come on here and vent. Hi regrets just saw your tread and as a caring human being would like to share my opinion? I hope not too long. I really don't know what to do anymore. The more that you make her feel good (i.e. Cos you don't wanna be looking back on this in a couple of years and think "i messed up those exams cos of thinking about her i'm still paying the price with this **** job". Like i said before, get on with your life and aim to be happy on your own (or maybe eventually with someone else), and if she comes back it's just a bonus. Im in a different place now and not the same person i was before. I would do anything to win her heart and make her understand how much she means the world to me and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She listened but told me that she wanted to move on and wanted to stop talking because, if we did, she wouldn't be able to. It's ok to have a bit of a mope every now and again i reckon, but don't let it dominate your day to the extent that you aren't doing what you need to get done. I mean if they change their mind later on and realise they've made a mistake, then it's fair enough that they tell you then and at least you have the option of getting back if you want after a period of being allowed to get over them, but you may have moved on and then he won't be able to have you. Do I owe her the truth? 1. But now you're still moping, so that can't have helped. I've just had a quick skim read through your posts, so i'll try to give my opinions on your situations. I took it like a man, was non needy and made sure that we ended on good terms. At the end of the session i can think "right good i just achieved something there, i did well, and even though she was on my mind, she wasn't the only thing on it and i got through it". Is it definitely not a good idea to start building up trust with her through contact, as thats the thing that i neglected in the first place? I'm just torn up. As people grappled with the news about Bourdain, celebrities took to Twitter to share tributes about the celebrity chef and post the number of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. I could just tell by the look in her eyes she didn't feel the same anymore. I don't think anyone is immune from that no matter how much of a "man" you try to be. I survived by making sense of this experience in a way that allowed me to feel in control of my life and sexuality and move on. :/. You aren't broken, but maybe the timing just isn't right in this case. I'm glad you've got some encouragment from my post. Because nowadays, quite frankly, any guy with a phone and some decent game can go and have sex with a … I broke things off but that wasn't the end. It was seriously tough to take. Sometimes women need to know for certain without A DOUBT that things won't repeat. Ive reached the point of ultimate understanding. I'm at this point at the mo, it's not eased much yet let me tell you, but i think eventually i will be able to think back and say "actually it's not as bad now, not on my mind as much now as it was then". It is hard. 9GAG is your best source of FUN! Holidays, events and birthdays are EXCELLENT ways to drop in and keep contact without looking like you're in it for you. Let her feel attracted to you again and want it and she will naturally come back to you. It's constant and you can never escape it, it only starts going with time (unless you reconcile). I knew she had moved on, and that is when I started to really regret what I did because I was the one who wouldn’t commit to her when she was ready and great. But of course that was not seen as a good idea either. But no, she came to my house 15min later, apologizing, telling me how she made a mistake and that everything will be okay, she will stay with me. Since I ahve barely been going and eating. you weren't ready to commit and you didn't give the relationship the time you needed to Is this a good idea, or just keep up with the NC? it will all work out in the end, if we are meant to be with our loves then we will be, but at the moment we need to try to give them space and like you said let them miss us, and trust that they know how they feel. Having said that i am being slightly hypercritical here after i've just told you i've had to leave work early (but i had at least done my work that needed to be done for the day first). On another note, I did tell her that I loved her and that I wanted to to commit and how important she was to me when we broke up. It's like a drug man, I feel the need to hear her voice, to hold her in my arms. I know the temptation is there, i do slip into moping, it's very easily done. I even had to leave work early today by taking some lieu time cos i was so physically and emotionally shattered. Meanwhile, my husband had no conflict leaving me. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Like you said you don't want to find someone else and then find you're not haveable. Sometimes we give up on losers and move on. You're still young, you have PLENTY of time. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had made a mistake that I had to pay for. This is something that I hear all too often from our readers. I wish now i just hadn't even bothered asking her and then just let her contact me if she wanted to see me. And then try and meet up with her, being a new confident, attractive person. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. "Berlin was amazing! Give back to her what she has given to you in the past: time to figure out where her heart is, and decide if she wants to invest in the relationship. Since we met up a week ago and ended there has been no contact from either of us. i shouldn't have to be making all the effort to sort out a relationship, i don't deserve that. My girlfriend broke up with me, said she wasn't ready for a relationship. You won't stop thinking about him, he'll be there in the back of your mind if not at the forefront, but you have to force yourself to do the things you need to get done. Hope that help you. I was with a girl for 3 years. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like you're also have a really hard time of it right now. You sound like you've got the right idea already. So keep up the good work, don't be contacting her. As i did this, she drew away and has been quite distant for the last two months. So that will be maybe a week, maybe a month, but it may also be never (as i expect to be the case with my ex and i). Even up to a few weeks ago we were still talking about being together, going on holiday etc but we argued a bit, i acted like an idiot and she broke it off. I thank you jayspop. Good night. He did text me the other day and said how much he misses talking to me, but still no call, we will see how things go, but I am not going to get my hopes up or jump into anything, he needs to figure out what he wants, and I need to move on. I also think of her down the gym, it doesn't go away there. So she basically ended the relationship stating that she waited long enough for me to change, and I didn't. I tried to see her more, but she refused. I really needed the encouragement, it will help keep me going. Any input on this jayspop? You've gotta do the same. I know im supposed to give it at least a months window before contact. At the same time, she shouldn't be expected to wait for your healing especially if the process is causing her emotional distress (which it appears to be doing). This is the inner confidence that I talk about a lot! Man i think of her all the time i tell you it's all the time, but i force myself not to contact her. Kasdan: And he was forty-two. God, I still love her. And keep some little hope. Maybe if we go back to chatting we can find common ground. I feel like I love her, I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what I can offer her." Girl got caught being sexual with her cousin and her brother: My uncle caught me going down on my cousin, he freaked out. Then i went to gym again. You must wait for her to contact you cos if you contact her and she doesn't want to talk or hear from you it'll only push her away. Our beautiful friend Sarah left her boyfriend of 5 years because he just wouldn't commit to her. Eventually even if she doesn't come back you'll find someone else won't you, you might not think it now, but the chances are very good that you will. I even have trouble concentrating at school and it's my last semester before getting my bachelors degree. As i havent replied to her text, will that make me look like im purposely freezing her out? The way I see it now, If ever our paths happen to cross in the futur I need to be the best man I can be. p.s I saw him at work (we are both lifeguards and swimming instructors at one of the city pools) and he looked like ****, and people at work guessed because of his over happiness, and then he looks so sad when no one is around. Man, you pretty much summed up exacly how I feel man. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, then he dumped me and got a girlfriend. She was goi... Me And My Girlfriend Still Love Each Other But She's Not Ready For A Relationship ? I was seeing my ex for 2.5 years aswell. Wasn't Ready to Comitt. Don't lose hope Jeh89, he did say those things to you, but at the same time it's not right for you to wait for him and not live your life in the meantime. Its been nearly a week now since we spoke to each other but i'm really nervous. Can you get down the gym? You just have to say right f**k it i know i'll be thinking about her, but i'm gonna get this piece of work done cos i have to, it's my life this and i'm allowing her to mess it up. This way it will help you to start feeling a little bit better slowly. It's not gonna help you concentrate on your work. It has been a week with no contact. Everytime i contacted her i didn't get told what i wanted to hear, i'd heard her voice, i thought of her more and i went back to square one being miserable. I will give my input at my earliest convenience. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Not an open relationship. I lost a bunch of weight! I will give it a bit more time of NC to let her cool off and work on myself more and clear my thoughts more. If she doesn't then you're on your way to slowly recovering. I know Adam does and I know he will never forget, yours won't either. So last night Reddit kicked of a thread asking rapists to explain themselves. I will do my best to stay strong and not contact her. I have been experiencing him break up and make up for 8 years now. How Stella Got Her Groove Back grows up in the author’s latest title, a story about what it takes to pursue joy after unexpected loss. Try to keep him at the back of your mind by doing other stuff. She was literally deciding between me and him for a week until I couldn't take it anymore and lost my shit and dumped her. It wasnt in a bad way i said it, we were just chatting and i said that was the easiest way for me to get over it. I wouldn't worry what she'll think if you don't reply. Yeah i know exactly what you mean, it's the hardest thing i've ever had to go through too. Look forward to reading your post He says I haven't but I really have, I can't be his bestfriend in this state, it isn't good for me or him, I really want him to realise what he wants and needs and he assures me it is me, but says he can't see the future, but he does think he will probably end up with me but doesn't know when, and I want to wait because he is all I want, but I can't for my own sake, my own happiness. You are not alone in this. Everything happens for a reason right? I absolutely love my husband and believe he is my soulmate. Work and focus on YOU and once you’ve healed more and are able to balance your past trauma with current relationships, reach out again. She should have been proud to have me as her boyfriend as i was to have her as my girlfriend, and if she isn't then i shouldn't even be bothering with someone like that. Long story short, I have a minor issue with alcohol, where I lose… Give yourself the same patience that you are giving her. So I'm going to give him a month and probably even three months break to make sure he knows how much I'm worth. I absolutely think that it is fine to let her know how you feel about her. I unfortunately was not in a place in my life where I was able to do so. Attention Ladies: A baby doesn't make a man commit. I wrote " I feel so alone..." in the getting back section. The point is that everyone, no matter how bright and shiny their lives may look on the outside, struggles with these issues. But she was completely different. My boyfriend just said I wasn't invested enough into our relationship & end... My Boyfriend and I Broke Up After 7 Months Because He Wasn't Ready For a Serious Relationship. There'll be plenty of other guys out there for you eventually. You have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable in other words. Your ex sounds to be playing with your mind at the moment and i don't think it's very fair at all on you. So we don’t put the dating tag on it until we get all that out of our system. Or, text and ask how she's doing from time to time. Oh and i suggested us going off for a break together, a week in the sun so we could relax and try to have a bit of time for us to work things out a bit. Just because you weren't ready to commit to her at 22 doesn't mean that she wasn't important to you or you didn't care for her. First, I totally get where you are coming from. Ok, so REGRETS, i think you're obviously feeling pretty desperate at the moment. 1) The last contact i had with her was about mid december (unless you count a text on christmas day saying "happy christmas", which she replied to with much the same). Stop feeling bad for yourself. You said you stayed in bed for 4-5 weeks. However, this must be done with FINESSE.This is absolutely the most important factor in dealing with your ex. You've done well not to have any contact with her for 3 weeks. Had an affair with her when she was eleven. Don't try to conjour up any reasons why you need to contact her cos you don't need to. I really enjoyed reading what both of you have written. It's only slowly, you won't even notice it, but it does happen very very slowly. *For the record, if a guy is like stringing along all these other girls then he’s a douche bag for sure, but if its that 4am sesh after the bar that no … Being a man ***** so much sometimes, we cant help but mess these things up. I guess you're maybe perversly pleased to see that he looked like **** down at work?! Well ok i didn't STOP eating, but i didn't eat enough (as i physically found it really hard to do) and i started losing weight and couldn't do the gym. And it gives you a buzz when you've done a training session, and there might be some nice hot chicks down there! Plus it burns up some energy and makes you tired so you should be able to sleep better. Going crazy and would do anything. 2. Apply this here,except with you and your EX who you've had a relationship with and who is currently distrustful and emotionally distant from you. We want to commit, but we don’t want to hurt you. Boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't ready for commitment. Sue, If I may ask. I'll try to make a contribution tomorrow when i have a bit more time to write something hopefully worth reading! And everything we create in life gets destroyed at some point. Rant over! I think she understood. I made a mistake last night and went to a club she goes to. They're your priorities ok. Now she's twenty-two. Happy, confident, in shape, mt degree in my pocket, a good job. Just to add, I have asked him to just tell me if he doesn't want to be with me, he wants to make this easier for me and I told him that would, but he said he can't tell me that because he won't lie to me. Do guys come back to you when they're ready? Hey guys, I figure I'm the one who didn't listen and didn't support her the way I should have in our relationship so, in this case, I'm the one who as to reach out to her... Wasn't ready to commit and lost her. And i blanked it, to make myself scarce. You cannot love anyone full until you love yourself. I'm just going to be as straightforward as possible. I think that's all the encouragment you perhaps need at the mo? I really want to delve into this thread...would you mind if I took about fifteen minutes or so to get up to speed on the various posts on this thread? Then one day i did cook myself a proper nice meal and i thought "this is a step forward" and i started eating better. It's good to know you're not the only one going through this **** experience isn't it? Help! That was a real good moping session eh? But I won't! So that means no contact whatsoever til she contacts you, none at all, no excuses. You’re in therapy and working towards loving yourself and all of your own faults and traumas of the past. not ready to commit? This story comes from Reddit user funny-chubby-awesome: "My high school best friend, let's call her Hillary, approached me about masturbation. You don't know for absolute certain she's not coming back, but you have to try to move forward, or at least don't let yourself fall back to the state where you can't do anything. I have so far not contacted her AT ALL. Firstly though, i'll apologise if it's a bit garbled and mixed up - i've had such a **** couple of days these 2 days. I'm struggling hard to do my daily stuff, even though I know deep down sitting down mopping will get me no where! Anyway, what's done is done, it's too late now. I agree with the working out, I am a fit girl and I am starting to try to get into a routine to help with my self esteem and feel good about myself again, I need to learn how to do that for me and you should too. 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